Forever Wooing American Men


Even at the somber event honoring Dallas Police Officers, President Obama, in his opening impromptu remark, thanked his stars that he met Michelle before Stevie Wonder could or else she would marry Stevie. The audience bursted into laughter (Do watch the clip if you missed it). This is not the first time President Obama has shown sense of pride that Michelle agreed to marry him as if the presidency comes after her, which if you look at it, is not that far from the truth.

My former colleague a bright, young engineer coming out of college when introduced me to his beautiful girl friend repeatedly added “I don’t deserve her. I know I don’t deserve her” and she just coyly kept smiling. When it comes to courting women, no one says it better than yet another American icon and thanks to his own satellite radio channel, often my driving companion Frank Sinatra. “I’ve got you under my skin”, “The best is yet to come” and many such hits. And how can we talk about love songs and not mention The One and Only Michael Buble’ who in fact hooked me to Sinatra, and beats him and Elvis to their own songs. You must have guessed by now that I am flattered by the American men’s style of wooing their women.

Now I don’t mean to generalize, but the concept of love is very strange in old Pakisatni folklore and many people still believe that true love is that which you don’t get. What kind of pessimism is that? You ask and they would reply that look Heer Ranjha, Sissi Punoo, Laila Majnoon none of them united and amar ho gaey. So that’s the litmus test if you should get your beloved or not. If you get him/her then you are no good or it’s not true love. Going by their standard this is what President Obama would say “Michelle I am glad Stevie Wonder got you because that proves that my love for you is absolutely true.” Urdu poetry is quite sadistic in its outlook too usually lamenting over neglect. I wonder what old time Urdu poets would do if God forbid they actually got their beloved. Half the books would cease to exist. My brother who is a fan of such sadistic poetry would testify to this long standing literary argument between us siblings.

Another scenario: Nusrat Baji who runs a women’s Halaqa in New York says “if a husband is appreciating the wife there is something lacking in him.” An unhappily married Nafisa listening to Baji’s speech nods in agreement “the husband shouldn’t be wooing his wife and if he does there is something he is trying to cover up”. In the movie The Help, Octavia, the strongest woman outdoors was daily beaten indoors by her husband because he made her believe that that’s what she deserved, that she was too wild, and that she needed to be kept in check or else she would turn haywire. Human mind is strange. You can talk yourself into believing or doing anything.

Nurturing and supporting men are very important in a woman’s life and I wouldn’t hesitate to acknowledge that I am fortunate to have one by my side, my husband. I wouldn’t venture to become a blogger without first discussing all the pros and cons with him. His wooing skills are another story though. The other day when we were ready to step out for a party he did compliment my NEW dress. The fact remains that it was the tenth time I wore it 🙂

Here is the bottomline: Can Pakistani men start praising their women and more importantly can Pakistani women start accepting that praise and also not judge if their Pakistani friend’s husbands praise their wives and suspect them to be incompetent . May be its time to review our mard ki shan to akarnay mein hay wala culture. I can understand when our men show the mardangi (machoness – for lack of a better word in English) but I totally don’t get when women not just facilitate but promote it.

P.S. I am using the term “Pakistani men” but most Asian men would fit the description, wouldn’t they? Other nationalities out there, what do you say?

Since I am in the nauseating habit of examining all aspects, it wouldn’t be out of place to mention that on the flip side, a growing faction in America believes that media is dumbifying the persona of American man. Watch any advertisement, be it auto insurance, hotel room, or home flooring its usually the know-it-all smart woman finding the best deal and rolling her eyes to a deliberately-acting-silly man. I would like to hear more on this from my American audience.

For now let me switch-on Michael Buble’ and accept his invite “Come fly with me” to Canada. See you on the other side!


10 thoughts on “Forever Wooing American Men

  1. Wow!! I can see the flair improving. Very smooth transitions. Just one question! Which punctuation your ‘J’ key has ;).
    Wooing to some level is not only accepted but appreciated by desi women. It only becomes suspicious when its either excessive or unnecessary. Besides, and it’s just my opinion, publicly loud wooing appears fake. I’m not against POTMUS wooing habit that looks cute!! But, one has to be that classy and sincere in choice of words and subtle in presentation. My husband (RIP) always thought of public wooing about your wife’s beauty and style cheap & chichorapun and I agree. You have a home, even a bedroom (I hope you’re not kicked out yet) that you share with her, where she got ready with you, besides you. Why couldn’t you have done it then? Hopefully, you’re going back with her. Praise her when you reach back home. Though, I agree with you that us, desi ladies, doesn’t have the knack of accepting praise from other men, whether your friends’ spouses or co-worker, and shrank in their skin taking the compliments as visual rape ;). Perhaps because most of desi men don’t know how to praise a lady in subtle, unembarrassing way. First of all, they approach you in a very suspicious manner looking around here and there as if they are coming to commit a crime. Committing the “sin of sight”. It alerts the lady, too. Then, with a mouth full of saliva, like its a jalebi in front of you, “Bhabi jee aaj tou aap ghazab dhaa rahi hain”. What the hell!! and honestly I don’t have words to translate this “ghazab dhaa rahi” phrase. If you have let me know (besides looking hot & sexy) which I pray isn’t their intent. So, in short, we kboth men & ladies) need to improve our diction, and mannerism and (us ladies) develop some sense of pride.

    Your opinion about lack of wooing in Urdu literature requires another reply post. However, you have to realize that it’s a literature from a culture where women has been objectified (not sure if its a term. If not, perhaps I invented one) for a very long time and still is. So, the entire literature is based on very superficial characteristics of e.g. beauty, style, nikhwat, deliberate ignorance, etc., etc, etc. Happy weekend to you!!


  2. Lol Humaira. Hamesha ki Tarah Sair Hasil Tabsra.
    What I meant to say is that women get suspicious if a friend’s husband is praising his own wife in a gathering.

    And you are very right about us woman not being comfortable with praise. I am guilty of it too. Because it’s haramNess is ingrained in us.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree with you about how the American man have become the dummies on tv and advertising. Is this bullying supposed to make us women feel empowered? Years ago, advertising reflected the opposite opinion. A wonderful comedian, Robert Klein, back in the ’70’s- took to task an ad for Geritol, which was supposed to give energy. The real ad showed an adoring husband, next to his all-purpose , competent wife, exclaiming in what I assume was supposed to be a somewhat humorous tone, “My wife. I think I’ll keep her.” Robert Klein commented, ” He thinks he’ll keep her? What is she, a pet turtle or something.”


  4. I’m starting to think you have psychic powers that dig up social issues I’m most curious about. 😊
    I almost want to say you should come over on the weekend and we’ll talk about this all day 😄 If only it were as easy as typing it down.


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